Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think i have two assholes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
