you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
