I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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