I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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