He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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