Can Purell be used as lube?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
