I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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