and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
