Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
