Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
