I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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