matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
