I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
