i don't like sucking hair
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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