Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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