So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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