They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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