Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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