hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
