I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
