tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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