i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
