so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
