dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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