If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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