hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
