no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
