I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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