My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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