Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
