I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
