On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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