I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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