I'm going to jail i love you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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