I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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