We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
