a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
