Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
