your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He kissed a someone with a penis
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
