do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
