I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
