No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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