she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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