do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
