I looked at my own cervix.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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