I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
