I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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