I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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