dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
