i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
