he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
