he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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