I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
