i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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