He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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