this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
