i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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