ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
