how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
