Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
