I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
