he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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