She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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