I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
