Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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