i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
