My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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